I originally got this journal to post status re writing and such, back when I was writing 2000 words a day and updating everything weekly. Then, I got really sick, or should I say another sickness. The problem one is this:
I was just out of my teens when it triggered, had basically stopped growing, and wasn't particularily sick when I started noticing symptoms. The period where I would start showing signs of recovery if I was going to has long passed. In other words, I'm stuck with this one for life, on top of the clinical depression.
Drinking lots of water, taking salt tablets, eating meat and avoiding carbs and so on help, but I'm currently without medical insurance, and it's hard for someone with ~chronic fatigue to make that kind of money in this economy, especially when I've got another med to buy.
The really bad part of the symptoms are these: "brain fog burnout decreased mental stamina depression difficulty finding the right word impaired concentration sleep disorders"
In other words, until my situation improves enough I can afford doctor visits and either testing other (cheaper) meds out or Provigil, I'm not going to be up to writing. What energy/ability to think I have is being taken up by staying afloat. The symptoms of the disease make it really hard to actually do anything about the disease, and basically mimic those of death by blood loss. So your body tries really, really hard to get you to lie down until you feel better, which is the exact opposite of what I need to do.
When I am again able to, I promise to complete my in-progress fics. I made a promise when I first started writing that I wouldn't abandon any fics. I also have some Tales of the Abyss fics in draft form, and I'd like to write more for Majin Tantei Nougami Neuro, among other things.
I love writing, so it's very frustrating to not be able to. Ah well. Someday.
Yes, 90% plus of this thing is still friends-only, but I got this journal in the first place to give people updates on fic-related things, so that shall be public, especially as I can't edit my ff.net profile until my new and hopefully non-sucky laptop arrives. The FO stuff is mostly just me venting, so I really wouldn't bother asking to be added: I'm also not in the mood unless you give me some reason to really like you.
As you may have noticed if you came here from ff.net wondering why I uploaded random weirdly-stylized Mega Man-category stuff instead of updating the fic people actually care about, my depression and the blood condition are being mostly-adequatly treated, so I started doing some writing to try to get back in the grove. I'm still stressed as all get out from chronic anger, emotional abuse that I can't seem to re-repress, and trying to get back into school and everything set up despite practically everything going wrong. Yeah, it's been really annoyingly epic.
Anyway, with the Mega Man stuff, I can write what I feel like in the style I want because I really don't care about making it easy for the readers: if they're not willing to put work into reading it I'm not willing to put work into writing it the way they want, and if it's not up to my normal standards I'm all, oh well, it's just practice/playing around with shiny ideas. I wasn't even planning to publish these, but my main muse said they were good except for style issues and I was ok, if you think anyone might like them I'll try to clean them up a bit & post them. Angel Saga, though, I do care about the audience of and I want to be an at least semi-good fic with an easy to read style.
The issue is that I can't get back to that writing style yet: working on it.
I also need to re-read the fic and study it quite hard because I lost my notes when my laptop died and I don't remember all the details I wanted to have in there.
Also, while I was trying to keep updating it for you guys despite my condition deteriorating and my brain not really being on I kind of did a few things that I didn't realize were bad at the time but now I'm thinking more clearly and focusing on the overall plot are making me headdesk. I let things go a little too well and I'm not sure how I can get back on track with the angst ICly, because I'm dealing with characters who are sick of the angst and want to make everything the way it should have been. I might have to trash and rewrite the last few chapters I posted.
I pre-ordered the special PS3 version of DMC4 with the artbook and anime DVD and special DVD and so on. Don't know when I'll be able to get a PS3 and play the thing, but hopefully having that stuff to look over and having gameplay and cutscenes to look at online until I finally can will get me back into the DMC mindset. I've also got classwork to catch up on, a minor medical issue that's unrelated to any of the other conditions I need dealt with, and other stuff to get nailed down. Next few weeks, I'm going to be using writing as a way to let my brain have some fun and wake up so other stuff gets done faster. I'll be serious about it when the more serious stuff is off my plate.
But I promised myself when I started writing that I would never leave a fic unfinished.
Most of my journal is still friends-only, but I'm going to make this public for people who might have wandered in from elsewhere wondering why I'm not updating.
To review, I have hyperpostural tachycardia. Think Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. And clinical depression, but it's responding to medication and is less of an issue.
Things... are not going well. I'm in physical therapy to try to deal with the range of motion issues that contribute to my condition, but most of the sessions are spent trying to deal with the muscle/joint aches the combination of the condition and the inactivity it forces are causing. The pain's constantly present, but ignorable.
Treatment for this consists of about twenty things that all help a little: the goal is to try to chip away at it so one can be somewhat functional until/enough for recovery.
The problem is, I really can't do a lot of the things on my own, and my parents have work. I'm going in to see the specialist tomorrow, but as much as I hate the idea, I might have to start going to a day hospital or trying to find someone to stay home with me and help with treatment. This isn't helping my feelings that I'm being a burden, but currently I can't do the things I need to do to recover. Even if I do those things, recovery would take at least 1 or 2 years, and apparently that's a very favorable forecast given because I'm a naturally fit and active person.
I'm bored out of my skull, which feels like it's stuffed with fog. I can't think well enough to write. I constantly forget to do things even if I make lists/schedules. If I can't manage to find something to distract myself with, I go to sleep during the day, which is very not good.
Getting to lie around in bed all day and go online... *sighs* Be careful what you wish for.
I'm sick. Postural tachycardia, I think is the term (although it's not a very good one: the heart rate thing, mine doubles if I stand for 10 minutes, is something the body does to try to fix the problem, not the cause of the problem). Basically, my brain isn't getting enough blood to function properly and if I stand or sit for a long time I get even worse: long enough and I'm near catatonic for 72 hours.
We're trying a bunch of medicines (both anti-depressants and stimulants), increasing blood volume with salt tablets and drinking tons, there's going to be physical therapy to help with one of the causes of this (range of motion issues), there's a medicine that actually works with the underlying cause that can sometimes work miracles but is a bitch to stay on...
I'm staying out in Maryland because one of the experts on this works at Johns Hopkins. It's a good thing my psych. is a friend of his or we'd still be thinking this was depression only.
They didn't exactly say it straight out, but while they assure me it's possible to live a normal life we're looking at months at least before I'm functional again.
Meanwhile, I can't think/focus. Writing? Forget it.
It really sucks that this happens while I'm finishing college. Why couldn't this have happened in Elementary school? I should be getting a job now, but if I tried to sit in a chair for eight hours, I'd pass out.
I created this livejournal to inform people about what I had planned fic-wise, and there's no reason to make the information unavailable because I've gone friends-only. So, here's what I'm working on.
In Progress: Angel Saga VI, Angel Blessings - will be seven chapters. springkink prompts - will be posted in July.
Collaborations: White Canvas Ch. 3 - will be worked on whenever nemi_chan is online. The Ultimate Hero Ch. ? - requires moonymonster's participation.
Planned for future: Angel Saga VII, Angel War - will be seven chapters. Will be written when Angel Blessings concludes. Gotterdammerung - will be continued whenever I have the energy. Seas in Incarnadine - SMT:Nocturne character chapters, to be done whenever, and Viewtiful Joe character chapters, to be done when I finally get around to playing the games. Anime characters when the anime concludes. DMC4 characters when the game comes out. Seas in Incarnadine: Special Edition - Sort of like SIn, but Vergil's 'allies.'
Roleplaying: I currently play Valerie Gray at multiversehaven.
Fanart trades: I am currently willing to trade fic for fanart, because I love fanart and I want to have some to host on a fansite I might be creating in future. You can either request something not on this list or request that something on the future list gets written now instead of when the In Progress things are done. I am not going to hold updates hostage for art, that would be just as bad as holding them hostage for reviews. Things will be posted as they are written/on the next Friday after the previous chapter, as always. I'd love to be working on all the Future stuff now, but I have depression, and have to pick my battles. Sorry to everyone who's looking forward to stuff.
Collaborations, I'm working on them as fast as I can, but other people have more in the way of lives than me, and sometimes bad internet access, so updates will be intermittant.
She suggested a fic to go with the pic in exchange when I insisted I would write her one. A Rapture scenelet? I don't want to do a full side-chapter... not up to 3,600 words.
I gave up major points on the homework due to being out of it and making mistakes like forgetting to reset the alarm clock to FIX the mistakes. I also think I fell asleep in that class. *sighs* Not doing well. Test in 160A next Tuesday. Need to find out when the other tests are, and do the homework for that class (optional, but is the practice midterm).
I've decided to write that scene with Tivana for the novel and THEN go through and edit. And not highlight things for a later read-through, fix them all in this one. Doing it the way I planned to at first was great when I thought I would do it over a month MONTHS AGO. Have I mentioned I hate depression? I hope I feel better soon, because I might end up working on this while doing NaNo. I really want to do NaNo again this year.
I don't want to waste this quarter, there's stuff I need to do: classes, novel, meds, career center, but it's just so... Ugh! I can't stand it!
Laryna6 says: I'm wondering if Lady hates men because of her father. So, would she have shot the rocket at fem!Dante? Laryna6 says: I mean, she tries to kill him way before she knows he's a demon. Laryna6 says: Killing someone who tried to save your life because they're annoying? Laryna6 says: Or someone you've just met? Laryna6 says: From the manga, if she recognized his voice, someone you know fights demons and should be an ally?
I miss doing characterization essays. I should do some for the forum. Need to redo my Eva essay, for one thing.
Today, it was overcast so I didn't feel like going grocery shopping (I need to get more varied meals), and it's been ages since I went out to eat, so I suggested to moonymonster that we go to the Japanese place that was a block away. I had vegetable tempura and philly rolls: she only had a salad. She went to keep me company, which was nice.
Anyways, before going to the restaurant, she suggested that we check out this indian grocery store. I was like, okay, and I was wandering around to see what they had, and was like, incense! Yay! So I got rose and jasmine, and a cigarette lighter which I need to return because it doesn't work (because we only have so many matches), and the boxes were $5 each. REALLY high quality. I only burnt about an inch and a half of one of the jasmine, and we had windows open, and I can still smell it. It's heavenly.
Unfortunately, it was so strong that moonymonster's allergies were triggered. I think the problem was that while the doors were closed, we both had our windows open, so it went out mine and into hers. Next time we try with her windows closed, and mine open. And only burn about an inch.
Before that, I wrote a D/L fic. I would have gotten editing done, but after I took a bath, rosaferreum called and I went over to snark_hunter (not sure that's how it's written) and Elise's. Met rosaferreum's new girlfriend and approve. Posted Angel Wings late, forgot to update yesterday. Good day.
I wrote fic yesterday, a PWP. I should have edited instead... I have class/homework I need to do in the STAT lab/anime club/a possible movie outing tonight, so I doubt I'll do it today either. Still, better to do writing than nothing, and I really should write something Dante/Vergil to balance out the Vergil/Dante Vici series.
In any case, saw a fic about Dante's mysterious cousin Crystal and was struck by a darkfic plotbunny, in which someone figures out who Eva's family was (from Rapture) and goes after them. My Dante has cousins... and just the difference between their world and Dante's world. They're both rich, but Dante "thinks he's Batman." I want to use that line.
Of course, it would end up with them dying, because once the demons know they're related to Dante they would be targets and Dante can't watch them all the time. Maybe I should have them find out another way? How, though? Other people must have looked into Eva's background and if they, with sorcery, couldn't figure it out I doubt the Morgan family could now the trail is so cold, plus Sparda would have done his best to muddle it further.
Maybe Dante does a job for them and Trish comments that the scent is similar? Dante would agree, he's met them before, but he didn't notice anything. Probably just didn't occur to him. And then his FAMILY issue acts up, and he wants to get to know them, but knows doing so would be handing them a death sentence. Whee, angst. Maybe as a SIn chapter? I am trying to connect it to Rapture.
Oh, I made it to class this morning, even if by the end of it I was GET ME OUT OF HERE. I actually paid attention for a bunch of it!
Oh, and I hate the new improved flavor of the Tyson chicken. So I did get the same kind, only they changed it on me, bastards. Too much flavor, I think garlic. I would like it, it's just too much. So I need to find something else to eat. I'll have to see if there's another type of chicken. I need to widen my diet, thing is I like to stay with things I like... maybe BTs? But I'm already eating sandwiches... and now I'm out of Trader Joes tuna.
It's already the 13th... yeah, need to start editing.
I completed the last chapter of Angel Wings. Tomorrow I start editing. Oh, and once I get back from editing/noveling, I may extend the Trilogy into a series.
Also, it is completely unfair that I long for bed every hour of the day except for those late at night when I should be sleeping. I have decided to stay up all night and see if that makes me exhausted at 9 o'clock tomorrow.
Seriously, the last time I was awake all day was the day I flew out here and had like 2.5 hours of sleep.
Normal college students stay up for days straight all the time, why can't I?
Only one more chapter of Angel Wings left, and then I am done! with ficcage and will have no excuse but to edit the novel. So I will have 23 days to do it in... given it's easier to keep on than start... I should be able to get two hours in most days... despite delays, I can do it! And get ver. 2 out to Heath and hopefully a new reader to read while I'm doing NaNo.
Oh yeah, I need to do an annotated bibleography for it.
So, the last update for the Angel Trilogy will be on the 27th, and after that no fic unless any oneshots people bribe me to write until November ends. Then, I'll complete the NaNo project (from 50,000 to full novel.) and do fic until Round 2 of editing commences.
I'll write this all out on my ff.net bio when the last chapter is offically done and I can say it is.
Edit: I need another image host. Photobucket made the background image for spardaxeva tiny again after I enlarged it. It didn't do this to the dantexnevan background!
What would have happened if Mundus hadn’t practically begged Dante to come and foil his plan to establish a foothold for his forces on Earth in DMC1? If instead he'd opened the portal and sent thousands of demons through, keeping the portal's location a secret and sending the demons throughout the world?
A war fic. Phantoms in New York, melting buildings. Leviathan troop carriers. The thing is, not sure how the good guys can win. The legend version all say that humanity was SCREWED, powerless until Sparda saved them. Humanity has advanced but demons, with their obsession with power, have been improving to, ie the shadows. Generals are always ready to fight the last war... The thing is, Dante's only one guy. His victory depends on getting to the big boss and taking him out. If Mundus played a proper REMF instead of needing to regain face by personally defeating the last of Sparda's line, Earth would be screwed.
Aren't we glad Mundus is a moron?
I think I'd go with Angel Trilogy's format on this. It's another DMC1 AU, after all.
This was originally going to be a oneshot - I can't seem to write Angel Wings 6 - Hestia right now. *stabs depression* So I was going to write something instead of nothing, and then realized this plot deserved better than a brain-dead 1000 words.
Something to after November ends... ~Wake me up, when November ends~ Seriously, I'd like to go to sleep and when I woke up it'd be December 1st and my novel would be edited and NaNo project done. But then there's school... that's the depression talking, I recognize its voice. It wants everything to go away so I can rest... but there's only one way for that to happen and I have no interest in suicide.
In any case, it might be good to go with the comics' version of Nelo Angelo for this. After all, game NA is mute, etc, and brainwashed and would make a sucky general/Sparda replacement. This fic's Mundus wants to go Muahahaha, the son of your savior serves me! And soon I will have the other, after he sees all his efforts are pointless!
...maybe I should have this be a dark fic? Nah, I'm doing that with ATTS already. Thoughts?
Lots of not explicitely slashy Dante/Nelo interaction.
So, I went and uploaded all the DMC1 & 2 Sound DVD vids to Youtube, except for the last DMC2 vid because it was 10:20. I should probably chop it up and post it when I'm dead and need to kill time. The DMC3 one's already up there, and some of the DMC1 tracks were posted by other people already, but I probably should up it too, so they'll all be in one place.
rosaferreum, give me a time tomorrow as soon as you can.
moonymonster, what are we doing with TUH? And give me a shopping list for you. I know I need to take out the trash, will do tomorrow.
Here's what's in the In Progress folder: to be done ASAP Angel Wings 6 Angel Wings 7 - final chapter!
Here's what's in the Future folder: to be done eventually (after editing/NaNo) Rapture: 1b - Sparda's reputation 11b - pregnancy 13b - Sparda's death Codicil F - legend storytime Codicil G - Captain Blue movie Fin - Eva's death Omake SIn: Alastor, Doppelganger, Artemis, Nightmare Beta/Gamma, Hitoshura, Captain Blue ATTS: 10-13 TUH: 16-20 Centuries: 27 Oneshots: DMC3 official report Vergil/Nevan
There's other stuff I'm going to do that I haven't actually set up empty word docs for, like Dante/Lady, Vidi, Dante/Nevan, Hellsing crossover... Nero and Julia SIns... But all the Future stuff is after the haitus unless anyone does something to deserve a gift during it.
Mushishi looks like a good anime. It's the only thing at anime club I want to see. They're going to be showing Yu-gi-oh the Abridged Series too! No one had cards except one person who had all his powerful ones stolen. *shakes head*
It is, as requested, Vergil/Dante and about as R-rated as the fic it's a sequel to. It's in the table with the other challenge fics under V for Valhalla.
Okay, I've had a think about it annd, one of my fav AU's is the Vergil conquering hell and Dante being his consort or similar X3 But most of these fics tend to be just after the takeover etc. So perhaps a fic of Vergil holding court? Or maybe Dante acting as his enforcer quashing a rebellion? (haha I totally got the Nazi Vergil pic by Wolfina in my head after typing that)Thats what I was thinking. Anything just sort of, set in that time and AU is fine really ^^ Thanks!
So, it looks like she likes the Vici-verse. Most of? I've only done one. OOOh, Dante visiting earth? But it needs prettyness.
I actually got stuff done today! Go me! ...except I ditched a class. Boo!
I solved the money problem, ordered a form sent to my parents for insurance, visited Ms. S, bought books, cleaned house and discovered I can't stand many common cleaning chemicals, like Swiffer, so moonymonster and I are going to trade chores around so I can avoid headaches (Ah, Asperger Syndrome).
I also wrote. Only 1000, but good. *sighs* That that is good... in any case, only two more chapters of Angel Wings to write, then I'm done. And will edit, curse it!
We saw Hocus Pocus. In black and white. We're going to look into how much it'll cost to have the TV repaired.
Also, I wrote some rants/tips for the ff.net forum no one goes to that I run.
This rant is not about how bad Mary Sues are. Some people like Mary Sues. The main character of the best-selling book of all time is, according to the technical definition, a self-insertion, better than human character. Honor Harrington, who I adore, is a Mary Sue.
This rant is to warn you that if you're writing an OC, you have an uphill battle.
You see, most people who write OCs are just starting out. Most writers just starting out are not good writers. Not to mention that it's HARD to create a realistic character, much harder than to copy canon characters close enough for jazz. Therefore, they produce a lot of bad fic. Most people how have been writers for long enough to have gotten good enough to write GOOD OCs do not write OCs. That is because they have often been scarred by seeing so much horribly bad OC fanfiction that they now regard OCs as the devil, or at least something to be avoided at all costs. This means that there is very little good OC fanfiction out there, and therefore your potential readers are often prejudiced against you. An OC in a major role is one of the warning signs of bad fanfiction, like a summary with misspellings/bad grammar, or an author who admits they can't write summaries. If you can't write a SUMMARY, that doesn't say much about your fic.
Getting back on topic, there are some tricks you can use to help with this. As in, a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down. And if it's tasty medicine, so much the better. ( Read more... )
drained
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